If you had told me 10 years ago that I’d be writing a blog about health and wellness, I probably would’ve assumed it’d be filled with green smoothies, salad recipes, and maybe some exercise routines.
(Think bold claims on a magazine cover.)
That’s all health was to me — eating less, working out more, and staying in control (aka: getting as small as I could).
Growing Up: Convenience Over Connection
Growing up, our meals were quick and convenient — dinners like boxed pastas, and occasionally a healthier snack if someone happened to think about it.
Big meals or thoughtful dinners were something we mostly did around holidays. At the time, I didn’t think much of it. But looking back, I can see how I didn’t grow up with a strong connection between food and health.
I also didn’t grow up following the gluten-free diet I was supposed to be on, even though I was diagnosed with celiac disease when I was seven.
The Pressure to Be Small
At just age 13 I believed that being smaller meant being better. Being liked more.
I loved sports — genuinely — but even in those moments of joy, I compared myself constantly. Especially on my volleyball team.
I set impossible standards for myself and always felt like I was falling short.
Even when I was at a low weight at 5’8”, I thought I needed to be “better.”
I compared myself to my sister all the time. Even though we had similar frames, I convinced myself I had to lose what she lost.
It was a mindset of never enough. One might say it was a case of “the moving goalpost.”
When Control Took Over
After getting pulled from volleyball due to concussions, I realized just how much being in sports had kept me “in shape” without me even trying.
So I did what any girl in early 2010s diet culture might do — I started doing burpees in my closet and ate anything green (Since that’s what I thought “healthy” was ).
I was hungry all the time. If I fluctuated even one pound I felt that meant I did something “right” or something “wrong”.
I truly thought that was the recipe for health.
I had no idea how stress, hormones, or inflammation worked. I just thought discipline was the answer. This was when I was the most out of touch with my body and the most inflamed and unhealthy. My body was screaming at me to just pay attention but I just didn’t know I needed to.
Mission Life and a Taste of Real Strength
On my church mission, I biked and walked everywhere. I worked out every morning for 18 months. I was well fed and started to see food as fuel rather than a chore.
I even set goals like holding a plank for 10 minutes (I made it to 12 min… my now postpartum core could never ).
I was consistent, active, and for the first time, starting to feel stronger.
By the end of my mission, I weighed more than I did in high school… but I felt so much better.
Still, that number on the scale held more power than I’d like to admit.
My desire to understand the ins and outs of health sparked around this point. It was mainly centered around a “self improvement” mentality as most of my mission was around helping others achieve the best of themselves.
The Psychology Path… and the Push to Understand
After I got home, I started college with a major in psychology and a minor in nutrition.
I’ve always been fascinated by human behavior — especially my own.
At the time, I didn’t fully realize how much body dysmorphia had shaped my choices.
I felt this constant pressure to stay in control, and I thought maybe if I just understood enough — if I just knew what the professionals knew — I could finally feel at peace in my own body. Something I realized was that I loved to learn. It became exciting learning how our bodies worked and I was feeling like I was finally understanding the inner workings of my own mind.
Enter: Strength Training and My Sister
At this time my sister introduced me to productive workouts. She showed me what strength training actually looked like.
I finally got a gym membership and started to learn what my body truly needed.
I realized running and cardio weren’t helping me feel strong — they were burning me out.
My body had been craving strength, not more punishment. This was the beginning of listening to what my body had been telling me.
A New Chapter (and a New Family)
I reconnected with my now-husband, and through him, I met his family — especially his mom.
She lived a holistic, intentional lifestyle, and it felt so natural. So authentic.
Our conversations about wellness and healing opened my mind to a more integrative and holistic approach — one that focused on how everything is connected.
And it stuck with me. I would think about our conversations frequently and realized it was in line with my core desire to understand what health truly is.
Questioning the Path I Was On
At that point, I was engaged. I started seriously questioning my path.
I still loved psychology, but I didn’t want to be in school getting a degree that wasn’t completely in line with my values.
I wanted to live what I was learning — and help others do the same.
Most importantly though, I wanted to stay home with my kids when I had them, and I knew I didn’t want to pay all this money for a degree I wouldn’t use because I chose to grow my family instead.
I had a macro coach at the time, and it really was so helpful. I still use one from time to time — but I wanted to know what they knew. I wanted to help others like they helped me.
I started looking into alternatives to college. Something that supported that part of me.
I wanted to get to the truth and share it with my family.
Discovering IIN
That’s when I found IIN — the Institute for Integrative Nutrition.
I started researching, and it just felt right. Everything about it aligned with my values.
I’ve never believed that Western medicine is the one and only way.
I believe food is medicine. That the body is wise. That healing looks different for everyone.
So after speaking with my husband, I dropped out of college and enrolled in IIN — with the plan to get certified and then start a coaching business.
Honesty Check: I had More than One Motivation
Here’s the honest part: I didn’t sign up because I had figured all this out.
I signed up because I still believed — deep down — that maybe if I learned enough, I could finally unlock the “secret” to staying skinny forever. Don’t get me wrong I was fully aware this wasn’t healthy and I truly did want to increase my knowledge, I just didn’t realize that this horrible narrative still had a hold on me.
Again, I don’t think I was super aware of this at the time because it was such a deep motivation, it hid behind other more “on the surface” motivations like helping people or having a side income.
I still had so much healing to do.
A Recent Realization (That Hit Me Hard)
It wasn’t until very recently — literally within the last couple of months — that I realized how deeply body dysmorphia had influenced almost every big decision in my life.
From my major and minor in college to my career path to becoming a health coach.
I didn’t choose this path because I already had a healthy relationship with my body.
I chose it because I didn’t.
And now that I know that, I can work from a place of awareness instead of fear.
Then We Grew Our Family
Being pregnant brought up every insecurity.
I was terrified of gaining “too much,” of losing my body, of not bouncing back.
But around 20 weeks, I made a choice. I stopped weighing myself.
I wanted to enjoy my pregnancy — not obsess over it.
I told myself: If I really wanted to get better and really just be happy and stop body dysmorphia from taking joy out of life’s most special moments, I needed to actually take action and stop doing things that fed that part of me.
Postpartum: Still Healing, Still Showing Up
I don’t know how much weight I gained — and I don’t need to.
I focused on nourishment, gentle movement, sleep, and peace.
I kept learning, kept growing, and started to understand what real health looks like. I was able to slowly transform my health and I began to feel confidant that the postpartum version of myself was going to know exactly how to heal…mind, body and soul.
I gave birth to my incredible baby boy, in January.
He’s now 4 months old, and I’m still in the thick of postpartum, new mom life.
And I’ll be honest: body dysmorphia still shows up.
Some days, it’s loud. But most days, I feel grounded.
Rebuilding, Not “Bouncing Back”
I’ve learned to appreciate my body instead of constantly critiquing it.
I’ve learned that healing isn’t passive — it’s active, and it’s intentional.
And I’m not sitting around waiting to “get my body back.”
I’m rebuilding my strength, my habits, and my energy — from the inside out.
Looking Back to Move Forward
I didn’t choose this path because I had it all figured out.
I chose it because I didn’t — and because I wanted to.
What started as a quest to control my body has turned into a deeper commitment to care for it.
I’ve learned that health isn’t about being the smallest version of yourself — it’s about being the most connected, nourished, and resilient version.
Now I’m a new mom, a certified holistic health coach, and someone who still has hard days — but who meets them with curiosity, not shame.
I’m here to share everything I’ve learned (and am still learning) about fueling your body with intention, healing your relationship with wellness, and creating rhythms that support real life — not just the highlight reel.
I believe in the 80/20 approach. This blog isn’t about doing everything perfectly. It’s about doing the right things — for your body, your family, and your season at your pace.
So whether you’re in your postpartum season, your healing season, or just your “I want to feel like myself again” season — welcome.
I’m glad you’re here.
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